secret love affairs

A(nother) postcard from PostSecret, a site which our abiding readers will recognize as no stranger to this blog.


Psychologists concluded that secret love affairs are often unsatisfactory.

The above is one of the many interesting “findings” in this month’s Harper’s (they never put the good stuff online). Perhaps I find it all the more interesting for its simplicity and straightforwardness, not to mention its tautologous nature. But I wonder. Is this really a finding, in the sense that something new has been discovered? Can it be validated scientifically, or does empirical evidence suffice? I would like to know whether quantitative or qualitative methods were used. The magazine does not elaborate.

Empirical evidence is certainly abundant. I’m sure we all have plenty -- starting with that first crush, that first kiss, the one you kept secret from your friends as long as you could, and then they blabbed and told the whole school. Was it at that point that the dissatisfaction crept in? Or is secrecy itself a source of displeasure? It’s human nature to flaunt. We strive to be conspicuous. The attention of only one other person keeps us satisfied for only so long.

A secret love affair may awaken feelings that lead to another (secret love affair). There may be trysts in hotels, memories that lose their edge, half-lies, escapades, a cryptic post in your blog. Gifts may be exchanged, but they too must remain out of sight. It’s so exciting to keep a secret, to be involved in one. Have I said too much?