Saturday, April 16, 2005

secret love affairs

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A(nother) postcard from PostSecret, a site which our abiding readers will recognize as no stranger to this blog.


Psychologists concluded that secret love affairs are often unsatisfactory.

The above is one of the many interesting “findings” in this month’s Harper’s (they never put the good stuff online). Perhaps I find it all the more interesting for its simplicity and straightforwardness, not to mention its tautologous nature. But I wonder. Is this really a finding, in the sense that something new has been discovered? Can it be validated scientifically, or does empirical evidence suffice? I would like to know whether quantitative or qualitative methods were used. The magazine does not elaborate.

Empirical evidence is certainly abundant. I’m sure we all have plenty -- starting with that first crush, that first kiss, the one you kept secret from your friends as long as you could, and then they blabbed and told the whole school. Was it at that point that the dissatisfaction crept in? Or is secrecy itself a source of displeasure? It’s human nature to flaunt. We strive to be conspicuous. The attention of only one other person keeps us satisfied for only so long.

A secret love affair may awaken feelings that lead to another (secret love affair). There may be trysts in hotels, memories that lose their edge, half-lies, escapades, a cryptic post in your blog. Gifts may be exchanged, but they too must remain out of sight. It’s so exciting to keep a secret, to be involved in one. Have I said too much?

7 Comments:

Blogger ιονκ said...

secret love_ affair
like a blurry photo or even an abstract painting hiding reality only to unveil a fleeting moment of passion
_could also, rarely, uniquely, lead one into an_other realm.

10:01 pm EEST  
Blogger sissoula said...

Once it loses its sharp edges, it can only hurt so much.

5:08 pm EEST  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think the biggest challenge is to just honor that love and to search your sould to find a container for it -- i mean, where do you PUT those kinds of feelings? there is no script society hands down for love outside blood or marriage, yet such love clearly exists and is quite normal...

8:31 am EEST  
Blogger ιονκ said...

am absolutely positive that with time it becomes bitter sweet *Belgian* chocolate! ;-)

4:19 am EEST  
Blogger sissoula said...

That's another good solution to the problem of gifts: consume them. Godiva must owe a large number of her fortunes to star-crossed lovers, and jilted ones.

And friends.

7:10 am EEST  
Blogger Grace said...

Psychologists concluded that secret love affairs are often unsatisfactory.

And so they must also have concluded that secret love affairs are often satisfactory too.

Those are the ones I want to read about. I know all about the unsatisfactory ones. I want to know about the ones that begin and end perfectly, the ones that are so self-contained in time and space that memory neither adds nor takes away from what was really there.

11:00 am EEST  
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