Twenty-three, perhaps

Art by Nikitas, melancholic deviant artist and blogger.

How many hours can a man and a woman be friends and not have sex get in the way? Have you been reading the Demystifying Divas this week? Their topic of choice is flirting. Kewl and sekksy as they all are, they are not afraid to admit they like this stuff and proceed to generously give men advice on the do's and don'ts of the battlefield. In fact, they even asked (and got) the male perspective on what they had to say (edited version of said perspective also available). I shall not attempt to present a critique or alternative reading here. But, in my terribly arrogant opinion, flirting is exactly this: raw war. Before you dismiss this statement, consider there've been well known wars throughout human history where no shots were fired, no daggers were drawn, no cannons were loaded. Flirting is as much a power game as any other 'war' and it sure helps that opponents have been known to sustain hostilities for centuries on end.

When matters relating to sex are discussed, the best thing a blogger can do is choose their words wisely. One can find (usually too late) that messing up their definitions has messed up their whole post, perhaps their whole blog. Not to mention their flirting session. Follow me in dealing with a couple of issues of interest to, well, me. It's my opinion after all and until they can be accepted as dogma, I can only pray the comments are not too harsh.

Do you believe there could be progress, civilization great works of Art, Manolo Blahniks - Life, even, without flirting? If you don't, congratulations. You need no proof whatsoever. Simply remember that there's one rule in flirting and this is "no rules". If on the other hand you do believe all these wonderful things could exist without flirting, go take a shower immediately. You probably stink and I do not want you around this blog. Oh, and please phone these glassworks people to replace the mirror: it's been broken way too long and gives you a distorted view of yourself.

In simple words, what are flirting's required ingredients? Answer: At least two persons with half a brain shared among them. Now, that 'at least' is extremely important and I fear not enough people have actually realized this. Flirting is a fine but most certainly not a one-to-one activity. (Since no physical activity is involved, save the guilt of even thinking orgies: flirting is mostly a mind game.) Actually, I fear flirting's essence comes into being only when there are more than two people involved. Enter the adversary. The adversary is like the fuel feeding the flame of flirting; moreover, the adversary (best when present but also acceptable when implied) will make sure that the 'half-brain' I required in my ingredients list is put to work. One always needs to step beyond cliches and memorized lists of do's and don'ts in actual, battlefield flirting. (Which reminds me to underline the battlefield could be just anywhere: a bar is no more an appropriate flirting place than an email client or a chat room.) One constantly needs to improvise, to be able for that impromptu delivery of flirting genius, to show they are able for tactical advance and retreat but manage to keep the subject in focus and -most of all- be prepared for their reaction while not failing to keep the adversary at bay or, even better, to manage to get them off the field. Complicated? Yes, that's the way it should be. For, in the end, it is only when one emerges victorious off a most complicated battle that the real joy of winning it all is fully appreciated.

Purpose missing in action then? Right -- so, what's the purpose of all this fighting then, even if it does not involve more casualties than some grey matter or a few drinks or some inflated phone bills? Contrary to popular belief, the obvious positive results of flirting (that is, when the subjects capitulate) are not the ones ultimately sought. Sure, one can see two people end up having sex after successfully flirting, or setting a date, or the start of a friendship, a relationship, a marriage even. However, the most important thing that happens does happen in the flirters' minds. If you ask me, I'll say flirting is successful and also success-full when our couple walks away with both feeling victorious. What, not about sex at all? I hear. But of course it's about sex. Always is. If one can stop equating sex with their genitals for a minute, they could most probably enjoy more intellectual orgasms than they think existed while resolving the "not sexually interested in you" issue. It only takes one to recognize they should primarily flirt their equals. As in any war or fight, any other combination would result in ridicule or disaster.

So, girls..