Thursday, March 24, 2005

Twenty-three, perhaps

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Art by Nikitas, melancholic deviant artist and blogger.

How many hours can a man and a woman be friends and not have sex get in the way? Have you been reading the Demystifying Divas this week? Their topic of choice is flirting. Kewl and sekksy as they all are, they are not afraid to admit they like this stuff and proceed to generously give men advice on the do's and don'ts of the battlefield. In fact, they even asked (and got) the male perspective on what they had to say (edited version of said perspective also available). I shall not attempt to present a critique or alternative reading here. But, in my terribly arrogant opinion, flirting is exactly this: raw war. Before you dismiss this statement, consider there've been well known wars throughout human history where no shots were fired, no daggers were drawn, no cannons were loaded. Flirting is as much a power game as any other 'war' and it sure helps that opponents have been known to sustain hostilities for centuries on end.

When matters relating to sex are discussed, the best thing a blogger can do is choose their words wisely. One can find (usually too late) that messing up their definitions has messed up their whole post, perhaps their whole blog. Not to mention their flirting session. Follow me in dealing with a couple of issues of interest to, well, me. It's my opinion after all and until they can be accepted as dogma, I can only pray the comments are not too harsh.

Do you believe there could be progress, civilization great works of Art, Manolo Blahniks - Life, even, without flirting? If you don't, congratulations. You need no proof whatsoever. Simply remember that there's one rule in flirting and this is "no rules". If on the other hand you do believe all these wonderful things could exist without flirting, go take a shower immediately. You probably stink and I do not want you around this blog. Oh, and please phone these glassworks people to replace the mirror: it's been broken way too long and gives you a distorted view of yourself.

In simple words, what are flirting's required ingredients? Answer: At least two persons with half a brain shared among them. Now, that 'at least' is extremely important and I fear not enough people have actually realized this. Flirting is a fine but most certainly not a one-to-one activity. (Since no physical activity is involved, save the guilt of even thinking orgies: flirting is mostly a mind game.) Actually, I fear flirting's essence comes into being only when there are more than two people involved. Enter the adversary. The adversary is like the fuel feeding the flame of flirting; moreover, the adversary (best when present but also acceptable when implied) will make sure that the 'half-brain' I required in my ingredients list is put to work. One always needs to step beyond cliches and memorized lists of do's and don'ts in actual, battlefield flirting. (Which reminds me to underline the battlefield could be just anywhere: a bar is no more an appropriate flirting place than an email client or a chat room.) One constantly needs to improvise, to be able for that impromptu delivery of flirting genius, to show they are able for tactical advance and retreat but manage to keep the subject in focus and -most of all- be prepared for their reaction while not failing to keep the adversary at bay or, even better, to manage to get them off the field. Complicated? Yes, that's the way it should be. For, in the end, it is only when one emerges victorious off a most complicated battle that the real joy of winning it all is fully appreciated.

Purpose missing in action then? Right -- so, what's the purpose of all this fighting then, even if it does not involve more casualties than some grey matter or a few drinks or some inflated phone bills? Contrary to popular belief, the obvious positive results of flirting (that is, when the subjects capitulate) are not the ones ultimately sought. Sure, one can see two people end up having sex after successfully flirting, or setting a date, or the start of a friendship, a relationship, a marriage even. However, the most important thing that happens does happen in the flirters' minds. If you ask me, I'll say flirting is successful and also success-full when our couple walks away with both feeling victorious. What, not about sex at all? I hear. But of course it's about sex. Always is. If one can stop equating sex with their genitals for a minute, they could most probably enjoy more intellectual orgasms than they think existed while resolving the "not sexually interested in you" issue. It only takes one to recognize they should primarily flirt their equals. As in any war or fight, any other combination would result in ridicule or disaster.

So, girls..


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Excellent view! I totally agree.

So many hours of captivating discussions with friends regarding tactics in various cases of flirting, the way in which one can let an "adversary" enter the spotlight only to slowly make his underground approach, and wait for the right moment to "hit", or how in other cases one would make a point of becoming particularly distant or aggressive to attract (even negative) attention, and then turn this upside down to his favour...

It is a war indeed!

And I also agree on your last paragraph. The "intelsexual" challenge is so exciting that the actual sexual experience that will (in some cases) follow can almost seem like an anticlimax (well, in hindsight at least :-)

7:31 pm EET  
Blogger Loxias said...

Sun-Tzu, step aside. Klausewitz (or however he spelled his name), eat your Prussian heart out!

Dystropoppygus has just set the new standards.

Still, I prefer chess to war as a metaphor for flirt. In war, you can (in principle) turn the tide. On the contrary, in chess (like in flirting), one tiny bad move can lead to check mate. Not to mention that in chess a draw is a possibility.

10:05 pm EET  
Blogger Agent Bedhead said...

"....If on the other hand you do believe all these wonderful things could exist without flirting, go take a shower immediately. You probably stink and I do not want you around this blog...."

Heh heh. Great essay, but that's the most amusing section by far!

12:35 am EET  
Blogger vague tourist said...

So many "f" words, running through my brain...

No wars, no battlefield. Sex should be a truce. Like it or not. Lust and pleasure beat the ego. Me thinks.

5:11 pm EET  
Blogger Loxias said...

It is written that VT once said: "Sex should be a truce. Like it or not. Lust and pleasure beat the ego."

But how is one to arrive at sex, if not through flirt, O Ye Enlightened Ones?

(excerpted from 101 Koans, by the Zensufi Master)

6:20 pm EET  
Blogger dystropoppygus said...

VT, what reflections/assertions have been posted here do not apply to sex per se; rather, I am attempting to provoke opinions on the tactics and manouvres required before one gets to the sexual act.

(Now I see Loxias got to your point as I was thinking of replying. Ah well. One more thing: "truce"? the whole thing? This could well be the subkect of another post. Any takers?)

6:26 pm EET  
Blogger De(e)lumina said...

Great (s)expectations

While my two darlings (dystrop+sis)have recently been fussing over finding a ‘sense of direction’ for this weblog, I sense that once again life has taken over and made her own decisions: it has now become entirely obvious, at least to me, that we are, well… pink! Red even.

I should have never said to dystrop that probably one of my biggest sexual pleasures in life is when someone manages to “f” my brain first (VT, as you can see, I am resisting from using French at this instance!) – albeit not in the mindfuck version, but rather in the perpetual arousal manner.

Well done, well done, and it’s been almost 48. Hours. :)

6:55 pm EET  
Blogger Christina said...

Thoughtful and very well said!!

; )

2:23 am EET  
Blogger vague tourist said...

Απλά μαθήματα ελλειπτικής γραφής: να φοβάσαι πως θα παρερμηνευτεί ο λόγος σου από την πλειοψηφία. Μεταφράζεται και ως «misread»...


Τι «flirting» και μαλακίες, βρε παιδιά. Σιγά μην περάσουμε και στη ρομαντική λογοτεχνία! Πόσο μπορεί να κρατήσει η όποια τεχνική του αποκαλούμενου flirt; Λίγα λεπτά, λίγες ώρες ή λιγοστές μέρες; Κι αν μιλάμε αποκλειστικά για flirting, λυπάμαι αλλά εγώ μάχη σε αυτό το «μέτωπο» δεν έχω δει να γίνεται...

So many «f» words δε σημαίνει ότι το σχόλιο ήταν σεξιστικό, παρακαλώ! Κι αν με ρωτάτε προσωπικώς, θα επικέντρωνα περισσότερο στην έννοια του «foreplay» παρά σε οτιδήποτε με αρχή τούτο το «ενοχοποιητικό» γράμμα... before one gets to the sexual act, indeed.

Υ.Γ. Και τα μισώ τα γαλλικά! :-Ρ

3:44 pm EEST  
Blogger dystropoppygus said...

VT: De-lovely! But you ruined my perception of me being the one misread. (Ειδικά εξαιτίας του σχολίου σου, υπόσχομαι να γράψω ένα κομμάτι στο ελληνικό μπλογκ με τίτλο "Η κρυφή γοητεία της παρερμηνείας".)

I must agree here that flirting is the best kind of foreplay imaginable. Rewording: flirting can be the best foreplay imaginable.

4:08 pm EEST  
Blogger vague tourist said...

Another fine example of le French literature: imaginable my ass!

Διαχωριστική γραμμή. Ποιος μίλησε για φαντασία; Το flirting είναι η καλύτερη μορφή «νοητού» foreplay; Όχι, όχι, όχι! Αν μπλέξουμε και το φανταστικό που τρέχει μέσα μας και, συνήθως, δεν εκφράζεται ποτέ... next stratosphere, παρακαλώ περάσατε! Επί του λαϊκότερου, «αν η γιαγιά μου είχε καρούλια θα ήτανε πατίνι».

Απλοϊκό συμπέρασμα: κάθε θέμα συζήτησης που προσεγγίζει «υπόπτως» (ή συγκαλυμμένα) το ζήτημα της σχέσης των δύο φύλων με επεκτάσεις που τείνουν προς τον ερωτισμό, τα μπούτια μπλέκουν χειρότερα κι από το πιο παθιασμένο... foreplay!

Ακολουθεί μαλλιοτράβηγμα...

6:51 pm EEST  
Blogger andrea zax said...

Ως ιδιοκτήτρια ενός πραγματικά ροζ blog, Μπορώ να πω...μπράβο παιδιά, με κάνατε και γέλασα. Ο dystro τεκμηριωμένα επιθετικός, ο vt γαλλιστί ανταπαντητικός (ανακαλύπτουμε καινούριες λέξεις εδώ!)...Σκάκι, πόλεμος, foreplay...Όπως θέλετε πείτε το. Το θέμα είναι οτι ο έρωτας έχει εκατομμύρια πρόσωπα, ιδιότητες, ιδιαιτερότητες και τελοσπάντων, ηλίθιος ήταν ο Πλάτωνας που έγραψε ολόκληρο συμπόσιο για το θέμα; Δεν έχει σημασία αν υπάρχει "φιλία" ανάμεσα σε γυναίκα και άντρα, σε γυναίκα και γυναίκα, ή σε άντρα και άντρα, ή αν όλα είναι συγκαλυμένος (ή και απροκάλυπτος) ερωτισμός. Μια ροζ συμβουλή: burry the hatchet(έστω και φιλολογικό), κάντε ένα μπάνιο και απολαύστε το!

1:49 pm EEST  
Blogger vague tourist said...


α) έφερα το χάος
β) σας υποχρέωσα να γράψετε ελληνικά


2:22 pm EEST  

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